Jacquie Hale
Life Coach
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Overjoyed

Last week I came up with a wonderful idea for my new website and I got so happy I couldn’t sit still, literally. I simply had to get up and move around, so I bounced down the stairs to my computer—ready to execute this great idea! When I got to my computer, I had so many ideas flying through my head that I simply couldn’t do anything. It was brain freeze. Creativity went out. This is what my mentors, Gay and Katie Hendricks, call an Upper Limits Problem: when things are going particularly well that something happens and the good feelings come to a crashing halt.

Things are great, you feel wonderful and suddenly you can’t find your keys and you end up in a foul mood. Some people react to being overjoyed by getting a headache or having their sciatica flare up. Others get clumsy and bump into things or drop stuff. With couples, a particularly good evening can end up in a spat about something trivial (or not so trivial).

Working with Your Upper Limit

1. Identify when you reach your upper limit. In my example, I had an exciting idea.
2. Discover what happens that stops the positive flow. I got confused and couldn’t think clearly.
3. Explore why this particular reaction happens. I hate to admit this, but I think it’s a form of self sabotage: what will happen if I make this a fabulously successful website? It goes back to my childhood; if they see me they won’t like me. (I can’t tell you how much I hate to discover that it’s still showing up!)
4. Change the pattern. In this case, I stopped trying to make something happen at the computer. I breathed deeply and imagined spreading the positive feeling throughout my body, a mental clearing out the cobwebs.
5. Create a new habit. Since that episode last week, I’ve noticed when I get a brain fog, I either take some time to do my breathing exercise or I put on some good music and I dance around. I notice the symptom and take action.

What does one do about the Upper Limits problem? The best thing is to head it off at the pass. Notice when you are feeling really good and acknowledge whatever joyful events have come your way. You can use that positive energy to change the pattern and recharge your batteries.

Changing the Pattern

Here are some tips for things to help you accept the positive energy and be able to go even higher.

Rest after your success. Once you have had a wonderful event, give yourself some time to assimilate the positive feelings. Rest in whatever way nurtures you. It might be taking a nap, sitting quietly in the sun, spending time meditating or journaling.

Tell the truth. If your usual way of upsetting the flow is some diversionary drama, stop and tell the truth about what is going on—including your underlying concerns.

Feel your feelings to completion. You’ll notice in my example, the hidden feeling I had was fear of success. It’s hard to maintain joy when fear clamps down on top of it. The most useful thing I did was feel my feelings to completion (which happened while I was writing this article). Now I know that my brain fog comes from fear of success and that is far easier to deal with than some mysterious happenstance.

Breathe. I learned a wonderful breathing technique at the Hendricks Institute. Lifestream breathing coordinates your breathing with flexing your spine and opening your chest. It’s a marvelous activity and particularly good for helping you get to the heart of matters. The instructions are at: http://coachingontheweb.com/lifestream.htm  If you don’t have time to do this, simply take three deep breaths.

Move (dance/walk/garden). Physical activity moves the positive energy throughout your body. Moving your arms and legs is a great way to displace negativity in your body so that positive energy can take over!

Talk with a friend who will keep you honest. When a pattern is recurring and intractable, it is always good to talk with someone who can be objective. Many people (particularly women) discover their own truth by talking about it. Ask your friend not to problem-solve for you but to hold the space for you to make your own discoveries. This is the major function of coaches.  By the way, I’ve always said that if I can help people to be good enough friends, I can put myself out of business. (Isn’t that a wonderful goal?)

Vibrant Life Activity

Over the next week, note your highs and lows. When are you up? When are you down? Is there a particular time when these feeling occur or a particular activity that acts as a trigger? What are your thoughts and experiences that occur just as happiness rolls into a sense of dissatisfaction?

© 2003, Jacqueline Hale