Jacquie Hale
Life Coach
510-548-2585 (pacific time)

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Disappointment

I’ve been in a funk lately. When it didn’t go away after paying attention to what I might be needing (nutritious food, a nap, a walk) I started exploring. I knew it had something to do with this newsletter because every time I set out to send the inaugural issue, I was overcome with weariness and resistance. Those are sure signs that something’s amiss for me.

I talked to one of my coaches, I journalled, I meditated. Everything pointed to disappointment—something from the past I was disappointed about was affecting me now. The most pertinent example was when I created a Wellness Center with some colleagues.

I had a fabulous vision and found several others with similar visions. We found a former dentist’s office to rent and two of us signed the lease. We called our center Insights to Health. It was perfect. My dream was coming true. I made my office space into exactly what I loved, intimate and functional. I did health consulting (I have a degree in Natural Health) and life coaching. I worked in a community of other like-minded people with complementary  skills. Around the time of 9/11, my dream came crashing down. There were many reasons and I took responsibility for those that had my initials on them.

What I did, though was typical of how I’ve handled disappointment all through my life. I shook myself off, like a dog coming out of the lake and I went on about business. It was like I never had this dream. I was saying to the world (and myself), “Well, now I’ve tried it, I know I don’t want it.” Well, the thing I didn’t want was to feel disappointment.  This wasn’t the first disappointing business venture I’ve had and it surely wasn’t the first time I stuffed my disappointment.

So here comes my idea of this newsletter. Vibrant Thoughts is just a piece of my dream of bringing important, useable information to people via the internet. I am developing a website www.coachingontheweb.com to help people work through problems on their own. I’m offering my workbook online and giving away my Life Map booklet. All of this is very doable and within my realm of expertise. So why was I not able to send out that first newsletter? It stayed in my computer instead of in your In Box.

When I sat to meditate with the intention of discovering what was holding me back, I saw the several failed business ideas. But I knew that was part of the problem. Then the real problem appeared. (Isn’t setting intentions amazing? I’ll write an article about it soon. If I don’t, remind me.) The real problem is: I had never dealt with my disappointment. I’ve always had success with just going on to the next step and “forgetting” about what didn’t work. It’s always seemed like a good plan—just don’t deal with the negatives. It’s like pulling one’s self up by the proverbial bootstraps. It doesn’t work because it doesn’t allow the negative stuff to have its place.

Funny, I’ve always had a stiff neck. (Bear with me here, that is not as much of an non sequitur as it seems.) If you look at my picture at the bottom of this newsletter, you’ll see that I have a substantial neck and my chiropractor would tell you I have a few tweaked vertebrae there. Louise Hay says that neck trouble might indicate stubbornness and inflexibility. Hmm. I’ll bet there’s a few people who would attest to those characteristics in me.

What I’ve noticed is that during the time I’ve been in this funk, I’ve also had some releasing in my neck. It’s like muscles that have been rigid all my life are trying to figure out how to let go. When I put those two pieces of information together, I got the big picture for me. I had stubbornly and stoically moved forward after disappointment. I was holding myself rigid so that I would not feel whatever there was to feel about having a great dream that doesn’t work out.

Right there on my meditation cushion, I let myself feel the disappointment. I looked at all the failed ideas I could remember and experienced the disappointment for each of them. I can’t tell you how relieved I am. As you can see, this article is in my premier issue of Vibrant Thoughts is in your mailbox today.. Recognizing and acknowledging and feeling my previous disappointments has opened the flood gates and allowed these words to pour out.

Dealing with Disappointment:

1. Acknowledge what has disappointed you. (I didn’t get accepted, the project costs more than the budget allows, I failed English, my dog is painfully shy.)
    
2. Feel your feelings. Breath deeply, thinking of what has disappointed you, and let your attention rest on the feeling in your body. It is most likely to be a feeling in your chest, a sense of sadness, a feeling that you lost something important or valuable. (There may be other feelings too, as time goes on, I’ll write about them.)
    
3. Let your attention rest on the feeling. Breathe deeply. Gently and lovingly feel the heaviness in your chest, and maybe the tears in your eyes. Hold compassionate awareness of a feeling and it will dissipate in less than a minute. Breathe into the tightness or heaviness and just let it go.
    
4. Appreciate the relief and blessing that comes with letting go.
    

 (C) Jacqueline Hale, 2003